The Embarrassing Diary

Hello everybody.

And welcome to another episode.

Of the embarrassing diary.

I am so excited for today's episode.

I've been looking forward.

, to have this conversation
with a special guest.

We're having a very deep conversation
about true calling about, , the

fact that we all know what our true
calling is., some of us don't want

to really see it for various reasons.

And, , I've been honored to, , Have
invited a very unique guests.

I must say to the podcast today.

, he's a transformational life coach.

, but the most interesting part
is that , he has dedicated his

life in making, , other people's
missions to find the true calling.

, ,I want, I want to be honest, this is
one of my favorite personal conversations

that I've ever had in this podcast so far.

And this is the reason.

Why I'm doing this podcast.

So I decided not to edit,
not to butcher this episode.

I decided to leave you some raw
material, because there are some golden

moments of wisdom from my guest today.

So with all my heart, I invite you
this conversation with Sam will Smit.

Hi.

How are you doing?

Nice.

Nice.

It's really good to have you here.

They haven't really thrilled to have
this conversation with you today.

Thank you for inviting me.

It's good to be here.

. So I'm going to start with a line
from the author, Steven Pressfield,

who has said that everybody has a
calling of some kind, however, AUD.

Or weird or humble.

Okay.

I like this line.

What makes makes it that.

You like it.

, I like that essentially.

It could be odd or weird or humble.

The weird part.

Like somebody can have a calling
of, I dunno, making cookies.

Yeah.

And maybe.

They say think, oh,
that's not a true calling.

Right?

It's just cookies.

Why should this be a true calling?

But if you really think about it,
if they're really good at making

cookies, that is a true colleague.

Yeah, and it's not so.

Weird is an opinion.

Isn't it?

Yeah.

You know, can you define
weird cane to find normal?

. Well, there is this normality quote,
unquote that people think like

the corporate ladder is a normal
one, or find that having your own

business is the normal success.

That's what the people think that
its success or the true calling.

Right.

But what is actually true calling?

I think your true calling.

If it even exists.

It comes from within.

So you're right.

That.

The way we are brought up.

It's all by external.

Um, guidelines, your mom and dad
say, this is how you should behave.

And may have expectations on you.

So you think, okay, I should
fulfill these expectations.

But these are all external factors.

, if you're working at two calling,
you don't really work because

that's what you like, what you love.

And that comes from within.

Yeah.

And once you achieve that.

I think you're on your true calling.

. So it is true that everybody knows.

That, what is their true calling?

That is an interesting way of putting it.

Mm, because you might not know it.

But I know, you know it.

Okay.

And I can help you discover.

Do you know what you don't know?

There was this.

Um, uh, TEDx speaker,
her name is Laura Berman.

I saw her.

And she said something interesting.

She said that.

Um, she always thought that you
wanted to become a Broadway actress.

And she did pursue that, but
she didn't become successful.

And 10 years later she just realized she
had an epiphany that she misinterpreted

what she really wanted, what she wanted
was to influence people with Harold.

Lenient with her, with her research.

So she became, um, a researcher
and a public speaker.

And she equally loved that.

So she said, I knew kind of
what I wanted, but I just didn't

know exactly how to pursue it.

I misinterpreted.

Yeah, so that can happen, right?

That can real easily happen,
because think about it.

Her previous belief that you
would be a Broadway actress.

It's about external status.

Yeah.

You know, And that's just
how we're being brought up.

. But once you find out that, that external.

Um, achievement doesn't fulfill you.

You start looking for fulfillment.

Yeah.

And I think the fulfill the
journey to find your fulfillment.

Is actually your true calling.

You'll never achieve it fully.

. And it's interesting what you're saying.

Cause I feel like I'm growing up,
our parents are telling us, for

example, if you say I want to become
an artist, an author, they're going

to tell you, where are you going to.

Are you going to make money?

The first thing.

So that's the external.

Right.

Yeah, you can't just leave.

Bye.

Um, making comedy or whatever.

But then as a kid, you suppress it.

You suppress that light
that you have in you.

Yep.

Maybe they don't even.

I don't want to say that, like that.

Maybe even your parents sometimes.

I are scared of your light.

Maybe they don't want you to.

Maybe because they didn't pursue it.

I think that's right.

You know?

Quite a lot of, um, Guidelines
you getting in being, uh, while

you grow up from your parents are
coming from generations before.

Yeah.

Um, I was pushed to
achieve the best I can be.

Because my father was pushed
to be the best he can be.

Because his father was
pushed to be the best.

He could be.

Because three generations
before they started.

Um, came to the Netherlands.

And started.

Repairing shoes.

Which is a very low level.

Joke.

. But finally they became doctors
just by pushing every generation

to be the best they can be.

So, yeah, I, I, it's true
what they, what they.

They don't make the same
mistakes as their parents.

But their blueprint.

It's very similar.

Um, yeah, but think about it.

Um, two generations ago.

Um, there were big wars going on.

And everybody's still coming from war.

Yeah.

You have.

A very basic neat.

That needs to be fulfilled
and you can only fulfill it.

If you are, you know,
materially successful.

Only when we're in the rich
position that we are today.

You can start thinking about.

Personal richness instead
of material richness.

So, yeah.

And, um, I actually love living right
now because I have all this luxury

and this abundance in the world.

Yeah.

Me too, but I can.

Make use of.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm the second world war
you wouldn't think of.

What is my dream?

What are we going to eat cheese and bread?

That's it.

Yeah, flower bulbs.

Yeah.

What is that flower belts?

you can eat the chili bowl.

That the plant.

Yeah.

Well, obviously.

Oh, I didn't know about that.

I have nothing else to here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

. , um, . Coming back to the, to the present.

Um, how do you know when you
have found your true calling?

Like what is happening?

Inside of you or in your body, or
how do other people perceive you?

I have no clue.

I really don't know.

You know, I think you
find your true calling.

If it's, um, feels effortless.

If it feels.

Joyful.

Um, And actually what I
found personally is that.

Happiness.

Is a very calm energy.

, Quite a few of my clients.

They, they come to me
and they're very eager.

Too.

Make something of their life.

And by the time they have
found their authentic self.

They are.

So self-assured.

And so stable.

That they say, well, it's
actually a very calm life.

Um, it's not, you know, Massively
exciting or very fast or.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Don't have to.

You know, achieve a lot of things.

I know what I want to,
I don't have to prove.

I want to achieve this,
this, this, and this.

I know what I want to achieve.

I have my plan.

I know what I can and can't do.

And, um, That makes it
really, really nice.

It makes it also a little bit.

Uh, relaxing.

Because it's so intense out there to just
prove yourself all the time I am this

and that I have this skill is my resume.

That.

Uh, your inner calling
is more than that, right?

Sure.

Very much true.

Yeah.

It's, it's uh, liberating essentially
what you're saying it is, you know?

Yeah.

It.

It very much is, um, 'cause um, Of
course you still get hurt, but then, you

know, okay, I'm sad about this or that.

And sadness is okay.

But I get over it.

I'll survive.

And.

I walk my path the way I, I.

I find it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, but it is a little bit scary.

Some people.

Um, I live recently, they
told me for the podcast.

It's very brave, very, very
brave what you're doing.

And I feel that a lot
of people are scared.

To do what they want to do.

So.

Um, I think I have a quote for you.

And again, Everything you want
is on the other side of fear.

Jack.

Canfield has said that.

And I like that.

I like that though.

Do you like about it?

Um, I like that.

We are so close to our dreams.

Very very close.

And yet there is a fear
of what other people.

Think of me, what, uh, my, my circle
will think, oh, what if I fail?

What if everybody sees me fail?

There's so much fear in there that
I intersect with tourists telling

us, Nope, don't even go there.

That's sad.

Yeah.

It's a very sad code.

Yeah.

You think so?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because it, it assumes
that you are afraid.

Yeah.

Afraid of life.

Hm.

Um, And I hope that's not true.

I know it is true for a lot
of people because otherwise I

wouldn't have any clientele, but.

It's a, yeah, it's a set position,
but what are people afraid of?

Well, I can only speak for myself
because every person is different.

Um, I wasn't afraid of myself.

And the potential that I
have and what I can be in.

Do and become.

Um, I've been running away
from myself for 10 years.

Literally traveled the world,
just not to be with me.

Um, But now that I.

I've made peace with myself
and I know who I am and what I

want them, what I don't want.

Yeah, you're, you're just a happy guy.

So essentially the work you're
doing with yourself, that is

one important thing, right?

Like.

Yeah.

So if, if we take that quote.

Everything you want is on
the other side of fear.

You have to figure out
what you're afraid of.

Um, when you.

Can.

Act from your authentic self.

There's very, you know, what you're
really afraid of because it's scary.

But you're not afraid to live anymore.

Yeah, you get what you want.

. I was listening to a podcast recently.

Uh, and was this, um, author
and entrepreneur, Alex Hormoz.

What's his name.

And he said that.

Um, many people, they want
to achieve their dream.

They want to make their business,
they want to do this and that.

And then they say, I will
do it in a year from now.

Yeah, six months.

And then he said, um, I decided
to make quick decisions and

make this decision in an hour.

And I love that.

Yeah.

Because it calls you for an action now.

And then he said that you
should make this harder.

The hard conversations with some
people absolutely make them now.

And then by the end of the
day, you're like, okay,

Well, I challenged them.

Is that really a dream then?

. If you can wait for a
year to start your dream.

. What makes it a dream?

Hm.

What, what is it that
makes you want to do it?

, but not now, but in a year.

But I assume there is . this fear of.

, , what society will tell us, like,
um, a lot of people are afraid.

Oh, it's too late for
me to chase my dreams.

I hear that a lot.

By the way, recently, a girl told me.

, she's my age, 32 years old.

, I always wanted to also make a
podcast, but I'm , too old for this.

Um, that's a very confusing
and remark for me.

Yeah.

Y yeah.

Because it doesn't.

Uh, H is just a number.

Um, Unless you're under age.

Of course.

No, then there are legal restrictions,
but it's still just a number.

Yeah.

You know, I've met very wise, 12 year olds
and I've met very immature 63 year olds.

So if a client comes to me and says, I
have this dream, but it's too late for me.

We have a whole conversation about time.

And then we have a whole
conversation about the dream.

And usually by the end of that
conversation, the dream has

changed and the time has changed.

Really because they live with this.

Yeah, I don't want to generalize, but
what could be happening and I've seen

a few times is that people generalize
a romantic idea of what they want.

Yeah, but if you dig down deep and that's
very hard to do by yourself, so it's

good to have a conversation with somebody
who can help you question yourself.

You find out.

What it is in that romantic image.

What is really your desires.

Yeah.

And then suddenly the
time is not next year.

Is it?

The time is not I'm tool.

The time is right now and we
build a plan together and I hold

you accountable for your plan.

And that's.

How are you doing?

They golden?

What you're saying?

'cause a lot of people.

Yeah.

You know, they see the successful
bar to the outside bar of, let's

say, I said it before somebody
wrote a book and you see the book.

Yeah.

Okay.

But that person is.

To what it took to write a book.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

And I'm willing to go
through that path of painful.

Yeah.

Um, challenge.

Cause you have to be there.

You have to be long hours.

You might have to work on your job and do.

Uh, chase your dream.

Yeah, true.

Essentially, maybe the question is like,
are you willing to sacrifice some of your

free time, some of your comfort zone?

Some of your relaxing time for that.

And, yeah, and to be heard as well.

And to be heard.

And I brought, um, I was trained.

Uh, for my coaching by, uh, um, Dr.

Cheery, Scott.

And early in her career, she wrote the 10.

Rules for the game of life.

I'd like to share that
if you're okay with that.

Absolutely please.

I think they're inspiring
and they're funny.

Okay.

So the 10 rules for being a human.

One, you will receive a body.

Okay.

You will be presented with lessons.

There are no mistakes, only lessons.

And lessons are repeated until learned.

Learning does not end.

There is no better than here.

Others are only mirrors of you.

And what you make of
your life is up to you.

All the answers lie inside of you.

And you will forget all of this at birth.

Wow.

Which one is it?

Life is a game.

These are the rules.

Oh, wow.

And I think.

I do play by those rules.

You know?

Yeah.

So you don't make mistakes.

You learn something.

Which makes.

A nice bridge to self-love.

Because you can only live like that.

If you love yourself, if you're constantly
hammering on yourself, oh, you're stupid.

You didn't do this.

You didn't achieve that.

You are too old to achieve her dreams.

How can you be a happy person?

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you turn it around and
say, okay, This is who I am.

This is what I want to achieve.

I've never done this before.

I'm 50 years old.

I want to learn to play the trumpet.

After two years.

I can play a.

yeah.

Yeah.

I can play a few tunes.

Yeah, I'm a happy guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love that.

You were saying.

Um, essentially.

I think, I feel like we're talking
about those are the inners Habitude.

Yep.

He's always only present.

Only presence.

And if you also have someone from
your inner circle, Uh, either family

or friends that they tell you at.

That's not so good.

Ah, you didn't play the, uh,
for example, you not so good at.

Yeah.

Trumpet.

Yeah.

You just need enough to just.

Ah, feed that inner servitude
and say, yeah, they're right.

I suck at it, but you haven't even tried.

I play a false G.

So one of my notes that I play is false.

It's just.

Tiny bit too low.

I know.

You don't have to tell me.

I know.

Yeah.

It's a lesson I have to
learn to make it a good note.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No.

And that cemetery comes
from your upbringing.

Um, I really believe that the way you are
judged at school in the school system,

the way you're judged by friends, the
way you're reprimanded by your parents.

Yeah.

So you're very good at
reprimanding yourself.

What does it, when does
it, does it mean exactly?

I'm being harsh with yourself
and telling yourself.

That you are.

Not good enough.

I don't want a very good old
all of us to put ourselves down.

Okay.

We are, it makes sense.

Um, because that's what we know
from, you know, growing up.

That is another part of you.

That is much more powerful, but
because you have an exercise

it in your first 20 years.

You need to build it up.

Growing up.

And I call it your Sage park.

Sage Sage.

So I have a Sage in me.

I have a saboteur and I have.

A number of cemeteries.

Oh, you have the biggest one is judge.

The judge.

Yeah.

No, but you're saying you can build it.

And it starts with being
empathetic to yourself and to

the world there aren't you.

And then be curious.

Because your curiosity.

We'll help you see.

Solutions that you haven't seen before.

And then of course you need
to build up that you pick a

solution and you take action.

Then you hold yourself accountable.

That's something you can build up.

Through exercises and.

Constant repetition.

It's you know, you learn a lesson until.

You've learned it.

Yeah, exactly.

And your learning doesn't stop.

Yeah.

And you breaking those, um,
uh, predetermined truths about

yourself from your family.

You break him.

Yeah.

You break him.

And what you said.

Whatever, if you want to do.

Um, um, Uh, self-development.

If you want to grow as a person.

The first thing you you will learn
to do is identify your own behavior.

And then identify what is helping
me, what is not helping me.

So you can do more of the helping
and less of the not helping.

Yeah.

Um, you get frustrated.

Why.

Was it a genuine frustration because
somebody stepped over your boundaries.

Or was it the nut?

So genuine frustration.

Because she just wanted to be frustrated.

Second thing, doesn't help you.

Your boundaries being overstepped.

Does help you learn to
communicate your boundaries?

Yeah.

I like what you're saying.

And especially on the bars, when
you were saying about giving.

Essentially you're talking
about self-reflection and

give feedback to yourself.

Yeah.

Um, for a long time, I was like this.

I was like, ah,

And lately I find myself to say, Zoe.

This was not good.

Can you change it?

And I'm like, oh, I'm, I am kind.

Myself.

And it's actually good because I'm
like, okay, we're still fixing mistakes.

Yeah, but we're not like to that zone
of hell where we don't want to even

go there and I want to reflect at all.

We're still in the zone.

Like, like I'm thinking myself sometimes
lately, Ah, we are a foundation.

Okay.

We're going to talk about.

We can only get better.

Yes.

Yes, exactly.

Good.

And.

Um, I can say an example.

Uh, I like to do standup
comedy so much and yeah.

I always try to self-reflect and
see, okay, this job was not good

and didn't laugh or this joke
was not, I need to fix it better.

And I'm trying to be kind to
myself because if I get too hard,

I will not make any jokes at all.

I'll never come to think.

And I had someone from my close
environment saying, oh, this

joke sock, or these jokes sack.

And I was like, oh my God,
he's so harsh right now.

And I was like, thinking.

I, my inner self said.

It's okay.

Let, let that person have their separate.

Do you have yours?

But we're fine.

We're absolutely fine.

That's going to let somebody
come close to us right now.

Yeah, because we were still big.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I went to tryouts and, uh,
and the comedian, he made

a joke and nobody laughed.

So he literally said, okay,
so this joke doesn't work.

I need to take it out.

So cool.

It was so cool.

Just nice to himself.

Most of the audience and.

Yeah.

People think that well, When you
have a comedian in front of you,

people say entertain me right now.

Entertain.

You can just make gentle with them.

Sound jokes.

We'll go flat and yeah.

Uh, especially with new comedians.

Um, Like you, you have to try, you
have to try and narrow try to narrow,

but even big ones like Rick Jervey.

I listened to one of these.

Especially recently, he said,
oh my God, that joke is shit.

It's going to be edited out.

And again, this is going
back to the mistakes.

The lesson you need to learn
until you've learned it.

And then you have to learn a new lessons.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I'm going to build a bridge
here with another quote.

The data.

They have quote, the code school.

I like him.

Um, then, you know, my
question, that's coming right.

And what do you think about that?

Do you like about it?

So the quote goes from a very famous
person, Nelson Mandela, who said the brave

man is not, he who does not feel afraid.

But he who conquers that fear?

Hi, it's um, Reminds me.

Of, um, oh, I forgot her
name, but she's famous.

The one that's gracious is the
ones standing in the arena.

Um, yeah.

You know,

So why did you pick this quote?

What is it?

Um, 'cause um, bravery.

It's I feel it there's a component
to finding your true calling.

And connecting with what we said earlier.

I think indeed, most of us know.

It's just.

Um, you just need the bravery to go and
pick it up or be honest to yourself.

And a lot of people they're not so brave.

I feel.

So what a.

Found is that.

The driver is not bravery.

The driver is being unhappy with
your, the life that you live

with, the person that you are.

Or the desire to grow and to develop.

And then when you do.

Uh, you start talking about.

You know, Personal stuff.

And then you start talking
about your journey and then

other people call you brave.

but your driver is not bravery.

I agree.

I agree.

What I find, I agree.

That's why, when you hear someone,
like they went through an accident

or something really transformative.

Yeah.

And then you they're like, okay.

I changed.

They changed their perspective.

Yeah.

And they, they become quite
whoever they always want it to be.

Yeah.

It's.

I think it wasn't brief that they
went through the transformation.

They just had to do it.

He couldn't do anything else.

They had to.

Yeah.

And then other people call them brave.

Yeah.

But I'd love to see more people.

Like I'm not, we don't always need
that transformative thing to happen

like that car accident or God forbid.

No.

It can be very simple.

Yeah.

I had a client.

It was 72 years old and
she wants to sweetest.

She, um, had a difficult
relationship with food.

Um, and for 2030 years, she
recovered from anorexia.

But then she said, I have this new friend.

And he just loves cooking.

Joy is eating.

He just has fun.

And I'm not there yet.

Can you help me?

And of course I could help her.

And at the end of, uh, just one session.

You know, she.

For her, it was transformational.

Yeah.

For you and I in our discomfort station.

It's not a really big thing.

She just wanted to enjoy.

Cooking and eating with her friend.

Um, and had trouble doing that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, so you're right.

You don't have to, transformation is not.

Um, earth shattering.

Yeah.

It can be in the little things.

Yeah.

So you see a lot of people, um, right.

That they want to change their life.

What do you think.

What my question would be.

Um, I'm just scared sometimes
that maybe you can't help someone.

Really transformed the life.

Like, are you afraid sometimes
of maybe they don't want it

actually as much older than that.

So.

Um, I'm triggering on the word afraid.

No, I'm not afraid.

No, you're.

I'm not afraid.

Yeah, but you are right.

Some people cannot be helped.

No, they say they want to be
helped, but if they have no.

Um, Power to change or
to do self-reflection.

Um, if they, instead of being helped,
they just want somebody to listen.

Um, okay.

And be who they are.

Then, um, of course I'll listen to
you, but it ends the coaching because

there's nothing to be coached.

Yeah.

Uh, and I'm not afraid
to have these people.

Come to me and say, Hey, can you help me?

Yeah, maybe.

I want to tell them no icon,
because what you need is something

else than what I have to offer.

Yeah.

Is there something you are.

You're afraid of.

And we oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I did that part later.

No, don't worry.

Still today.

And I've had that all my life.

Yeah.

You know, there's these, um, um, uh,
yeah, I only know the Dutch word.

It's a lung poured milk.

So it is a insect.

Has a small.

And very long legs and it flies.

It flies and it flies.

It's like.

A really big mosquito,
but it doesn't bite.

It's very it's absolutely harmless.

. I am scared shitless about it.

I let my wife take care of it.

Because I.

I can't.

It sounds terrifying to be
honest, it is terrifying to me.

Um, the other thing that I really
don't want is, uh, being locked up.

Uh, yeah.

Um, I'm not claustrophobic, but if the
door is closed and I don't have to key.

I, um, you can have a panic attack.

Yep.

Um, I become violent.

Yeah.

If I am break down the door.

. No.

So, yeah.

, , , what I will not do is bungee jumping up
because I'm afraid, but I do not trust

the people that are managing the rope.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm scared of that too.

Now that I have.

I would love to jump out of an
airplane one day with someone on top.

Yeah.

First to teach me.

And then by myself, Wow.

Really brave.

Don't get me re, re yeah.

I love to do that.

Yeah.

Um, what if the past should cannot open?

What do you think on those last minutes?

Shit.

oh shit.

It's painful.

I'm not going to hit the ground.

Yeah.

From that height.

Yeah.

Do you think maybe you so shocked?

You don't even feel anything or.

Uh, I don't know.

Yeah.

Um, there was a time in my
life when I thought about.

Um, what does kill me if
I jump off this building?

And, um, I decided that the
billing wasn't high enough.

So I didn't do it.

. But then I know if people jump off
buildings and they do not survive.

. But what is behind that?

Uh, that's that frustration?

Of wanting to do that.

I cannot speak for other people.

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

Um, for me, it was really, um,
Uh, realizing that I had not lived

up to the expectations today.

I put on myself.

That I was, um, just a
failure to nobody needed.

Um, despite having a lot
of people that love me.

Um, Wanted me to be alive.

But I didn't see that.

Um, so the first thing that I need,
and I really need a therapy for that.

He's learned to love myself.

Um, there's one, one
quote from my therapist.

That really struck a chord.

Because I was complaining.

I finally, I.

Once I got rid of my judge.

That told me that I wasn't good enough.

So I.

I finally found that it was
where life was worth lifting.

But you said it's such a hassle.

Life.

Really, why do we do this?

Th the therapist?

No, no, no.

I said to my therapist.

So I was finally read,
I got rid of my judge.

I felt I was good enough to live,
but then I said to my therapist,

Why do we live?

It's such a hassle living.

What's the purpose.

And he said very dryly.

It's the hassle that
makes life worth living.

Just enjoy it.

Yeah.

All the stuff you have to go through
to get out of your bed and move

to your work and get some food in.

Yeah.

That's what, that's where to find it is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's when he goes through that moment
of such, you know, um, disparation

cause it's quite an intense moment.

Yeah.

I find it always is.

It's essential to go back to the basics.

Uh, all of you wake up in the
morning and you have to fix your bed.

Like as simple as it sounds.

Cause I feel like we were
putting the bar so high.

Yeah.

Uh, sorry to stop you there.

Why do you have to fix your bed?

Because when you fix your bed, you
kind of like fix also your mind.

It's better for you for me.

Yeah, for sure.

For sure.

That's not true for everybody.

Yeah, you've.

You don't think that, um, in the
morning isn't, it's not the bed.

It's.

The bed is in a library of what
you want to do to have everything.

Clear like a clear palette of hope.

So I think.

I know people that do not
shower in the morning.

Okay, fine.

No, I'm not, I.

I can start my day without a shower.

Yeah.

I know people that are,
they have to make their bat.

To be organized and clear
their mind and start the day.

And I know people say.

Um, make my bed, why.

I, you know, Tonight, I'm getting
in again and it's getting crumpled.

That's why it hasn't been
by the way, if he's missing.

So why.

So figure out what is good for you.

I live by, by those standards.

Yeah.

What I'm trying to say behind
is like, Um, if I wake up and

everything is like in the night.

Uh, everything is so everything
is like in a hypnotic condition.

And during the day I want things to be
done and to, to, to get done and to go to

a zone of creativity and for the action.

And if I have my, my bed non tight,
and I'm not saying that I tied it up.

Every day.

But when I do, I know that
that's some serious business.

Yeah.

So we know you when your bed is made,
we know you're going to be creative.

I'm going to make an episode for the.

Good for you.

Yeah.

So I'm actually the same.

Yeah, I know people that are different.

Yeah.

But it doesn't have to pick
a bit, as I said, it could be

the, your coffee in the morning.

Like it could be, uh, five minutes
of, uh, uh, writing in your diary.

And these are.

The ones, but maybe it could be
something you'd like, I don't know.

Uh, going out to the new balcony
and just smell the fresh air.

True.

And we don't do that.

Even that I find myself, sometimes I
wake up in the morning and I scroll.

And, and I say to myself,
Role is on your phone.

I'm just calling my phone.

Yeah.

And I find myself saying, oh
my God, this is not what I

should allow to, to wake me up.

It should be being five minutes
in the cold air in the balcony or

a coffee or my son rather than.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Getting curious.

I'm getting curious about to shoot.

Who who made that rule for you?

. I should not wake up
scrolling from my phone.

I should go out and smell the
fresh air who made that rule?

No.

I feel like.

Okay.

We did a different generation and my
generation is hooked up with their phones.

We are obsessed and
it's getting to a point.

And I feel it's not healthy.

And the first thing that I do in
the morning, my alarm goes off.

Uh, it goes on off whatever, and
they just check my phone immediately.

And I'm saying to myself at the moment,
Oh, if I scroll through Instagram or

Facebook, it will help me wake up.

And I find it unhealthy.

Okay.

For my brain.

What do you want?

To wake up in the, go to the balcony
and just be there for five minutes.

What keeps you from doing that?

The cold.

It's really cold outside,
but you deal with the cold.

I should have a blanket.

I'm not joking right now.

That's a good idea.

I should have a blanket next to my
chair and just, or a cap or something.

And just go and just see, see the cup
first thing in the morning and go out.

And do you have all the, that
available or do you need to go

to the store and buy something?

I have everything available.

So what's keeping you from going to the.

That's okay.

That's a good one.

I'll do it tomorrow.

No, thank you for that.

I will do it.

Yeah, can I help you with.

Making that happen.

Sure you can be in the morning.

Tell me.

No, how can I help you?

I think that the year you're pointing
it out very, very interestingly.

Like you're asking me a very valid
question, why I have never done it.

And then I, the.

The answer here is probably cause I'm
probably, um, addicted to social media.

There's a point that a it's addicted
or your want is not what you want.

You want to watch social media?

Yeah, but that's it.

I know, I shouldn't say that's
not right, but it isn't right.

Good to let.

Ah, it consumes so much all the time.

I won.

I won in the morning to just
not let my phone control me.

I want to control, what's keeping
you from doing what you want.

Um, . I think it's laziness.

I think it's just laziness.

At the moment.

Are you okay with laziness?

Lately now.

Okay.

I'm trying to take it out of my life.

And what else can you do to not look
at your phone, but go to the balcony.

Puts another alarm like.

They're not interesting.

Like a, like an old
school alarm, you know?

Oh, your phone is your alarm.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

If you replace it, you don't
have your phone next to your bed.

I see, so that is.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe.

Yeah, maybe I'll sort of move completely.

The phone from some point of
the day is getting too much.

And I recognize that I don't like it.

Okay.

I think you have to have a plan.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Send me your.

Later.

My husband will appreciate this.

I'm good with a cup of coffee.

Yeah.

You know what he did.

He, he.

We were discussing this the other day.

. He said that he realized that he's
really getting hooked on his phone.

So he bought an older phone.

Um, and he made it black and white.

He knows this, that when there is color
colors on your phone, Very attractive.

Oh, right.

And he deleted all the apps because yeah.

Social media apps are very addictive.

He still has his laptop.

So if he wants to go somewhere
to check something, he can

still do through the laptop.

Yeah.

And, um, he has blogged that
specific website from his browser,

so he doesn't scroll all the time.

So he has his phone still.

But only to communicate,
to do the basic needs.

Yeah, he feels, and I agree with
him that lately our phones are

controlling our lives way too much.

You know how I learned
to, um, get rid of that.

How was I at the same thing?

I went on a retreat and left
my phone with, um, at home.

I didn't bring my phone.

I didn't watch television.

I did a detox from.

Yeah.

Um, digital media.

How many days.

Uh, just five days.

Wow.

That's a lot.

Without a fall.

Just five days.

How did it feel?

Did you feel at the beginning of.

Yeah.

Did you really we're here.

It's really scary to drive away from your
home, not having your phone with you.

Yeah.

Because you think, oh, what.

What, what, what if something happens
on the way I can't call anybody?

Yeah.

And, um, So that is, yeah.

There was just scary.

Did you feel like you wanted to
check your phone at some point?

First day.

Absolutely.

Constantly.

You feel where's my phone.

I have left.

At home.

Oh, and then when the, the, so we had
a program when the program was over.

You're by yourself in
your room, you think?

Okay.

What am I going to do now?

Um, I want to check my phone, Paul.

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

We're not used to being bullied anymore.

Yeah.

As a kid, I remember we were bored.

Yeah.

And that was the thing.

And it's good to be bored,
especially sometimes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love it.

Yeah.

Um, It's it's getting lately to the point
of, they need your attention constantly.

Social media is like grabbing your
attention, grabbing your attention.

And I feel like also all the
attention span gets lower.

Yeah.

They do.

Yeah, they do.

Did you feel during that retreat?

When I go back, how many messages
will I have these things of that?

Um, No, by the time I
went out of the retreat.

I actually didn't care.

He didn't care if the.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I did know, um, I want to reach
out to, um, this person and that person

and that person and that person to tell
them about me and check up with them.

Nice.

Nice.

And is it interesting?

I think it's very crucial to include
in today's conversation because we're

talking about finding your two callings.

And your purpose in life, et cetera.

And I think that indeed our
phones are taking a lot of our

time from figuring that out.

True.

It's a good bridge.

I'm sorry to say this on the podcast,
but I need to go to the bottom.

Don't forget to like,
share, and subscribe!

Was it relief.

Thank you for letting
me go to the bathroom.

You're welcome.

I am.

I think, um, I can bridge
it with a line, another.

Yeah.

From the book, the power of now.

Okay.

Yeah.

Cool.

Have you heard of it?

Yes, I do.

Yeah.

I told him and he says, uh, you
are here to enable the divine

purpose of the universe to unfold.

That is how important you are.

Okay.

Strong, huh?

A lot of, a lot of states.

A lot of intention here.

A lot of intention.

Yeah.

What do you like about it?

Um, I like the fact that he talks
about, uh, intention and enlightenment

and he talks about leaving something,
giving something back to the world.

Okay.

Yeah.

I feel like we get a lot of consumed
with what our resume looks like.

And we forget about the fact
that we all are here and we can

give something back to the world.

Yeah, it can be a small thing.

It can be a big thing.

It doesn't have to actually be a wow
thing, but it could be a beautiful thing.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, for me, it's a very, um, complex
way of saying we're all connected.

. And the driving energy is love.

Hm.

Um, and you can say, yeah, that's the
define purpose of the universe unfolding.

Yeah.

To maybe crazy words, right?

Fine defined.

It's a crazy word.

Yeah, I like it.

Yeah.

He started, you're here to enable.

Yeah.

As if somebody puts you
here with an assignment.

Yeah.

And I'm not sure that somebody
gave people an assignment.

I think what he's trying to say is not
necessarily the, um, from the perspective

of God or the universe or all of that.

I think he, what he's trying
to say is that when you have

found your true calling.

Um, it's almost like it's
using you as a mediator.

Like your body's.

And an external force tells
you to write that book, to make

that art, to make the cookie.

Yeah.

You don't know where it's coming from,
but it's coming from somewhere true.

And what I believe is
that you then in, in.

In June.

With the, uh, frequency of, of life.

You're just.

You know, you're not fighting it.

You're just in tune with it here.

Yeah, just enjoying it, uh, using it.

Yeah.

And yeah.

I do believe that he.

You know, thoughts, you do not
generate them just by yourself.

You, they come to you.

Yeah.

And nobody knows from where.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My therapist said that
we're not our own thoughts.

They just come and go and you just choose
which one to keep in, which will not.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a good way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's so hard to choose the good ones
to stay and just do what makes it hard.

I it's what you said at the beginning.

We're so trained the first.

Here's have a life to

one side.

Judgmental.

Yeah.

Perrin.

Like the protectiveness that
comes from our families.

And then it's so hard
to train the other part.

Let also the good ones stay,
not just pass to stay like.

Yeah.

Good thoughts face.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I had a conversation the other
day with a, uh, a friend.

And, um, she had trouble.

Understanding when she
was judging herself.

And when she was loving herself.

Okay.

And, um, So we, we.

Had that conversation.

And she said, okay, but.

How am I heart to myself?

I'm not, I love myself.

I said, whoa.

Just now here in the kitchen.

You said I'm 52 and I'm so stupid
that I didn't notice before.

So that's a judgment on yourself.

I said, but so.

Why don't you recognize
it as, um, um, or yeah.

What do you think about that?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I see.

That's a judgment.

Okay.

But then I'm loving myself.

When I say I.

Should not drink alcohol.

Both.

Why don't you drink alcohol?

Because it's bet for me.

Okay.

But it's not okay.

She said.

So what does not okay.

Look like.

And then she describes what?

No.

Okay.

It looks like say, okay,
but what do you want?

And then she could formulate exactly
what she wanted her life to be.

I say, okay.

Now if you take that.

And you don't look at the judgments, but
you look at what you want your life to be.

That's an act of self
love to make it happen.

It's not an act of self-love
to not drink alcohol.

That's a judgment.

But making your life
what you want it to be?

Make it your true calling.

Yeah.

That's self-love.

So essentially also you're
talking about the superficial.

Sometimes we say alcohol, but it's not the
alcohol essentially what's happening here.

Like you're confining
other trucks through.

That are behind, like maybe she
revealed to you many, many other things.

I know she's an alcoholic who.

Stopped drinking alcohol.

Okay.

Okay.

Got.

Um, I, I understand your, um,
uh, in, in some conversations.

Yeah.

People projected on material things.

But there's a whole world
of emotions behind it.

Yeah.

And, um, like you say, you
unraveled the emotions and you

help people understand themselves.

Um, some people you it'll help.

To say to, to be okay with themselves.

Yeah.

No.

So.

If I want to be happy, I can never be sad.

No, of course you can be sad because
there are sad things in life.

Yeah.

But be sad about the right things.

Yeah.

You know, and, and check
that your sat feeling is.

In line with what's happening.

Yeah, you can't be all with all of them.

Happy.

It does, and it doesn't happen.

I think it's, um, It doesn't happen.

No happiness.

I think, um, I, I, again, you,
the way you said it was nice until

the age of 20, it's different, how
you define happiness and after.

After that is different.

I feel like after, after your
twenties, happiness, I really indeed.

You recognize that.

There are moments.

And they're very elusive.

They can read this.

10 seconds.

Oh, having this podcast
conversation with you.

Yeah.

Just fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That makes me happy.

I just was the other day.

I just, um, I just looked at my son and
my husband and they were just playing.

And it was just the
second, a split second.

And I just pass by.

And something like really.

At my home, I felt it.

I was like, I was like, yeah.

It just lasted 9 cents.

Yeah.

I'm like I have to cook.

Yeah.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

So when you start cooking then.

And you take this tomato
that you're going to cut.

Yeah.

Smell it.

Look at it.

That bright color.

Yeah.

But, you know, we have to wait.

You, I, I find myself saying I will
go do my holidays to smell the good

tomato, because this is when I will feel.

You know, a lot of people say this is when
I will feel happy when I will do that.

When I'll go on vacations.

When I look to the dream.

Why would you do that?

Exactly.

Why would you do that?

Why don't we do that now?

Like, why don't we smell it Jamaica now?

Yeah.

What's wrong with this tomato?

Well, it's in the Netherlands.

they smell different.

They don't smell.

They don't smell at all.

No, they do smell a little bit.

I hope so.

I hope so.

No.

Otherwise by a different tomato.

Yeah.

And I know that a good analogy.

I get your point.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, so it all comes together like
being in alignment with the presence.

Yeah.

Not having to prove to anyone.

Uh, not having to compete with anyone.

Really being, uh, in a wave.

Um, I align with that wave.

Uh, circulation around you and,
uh, being your authentic self.

Being your authentic self
and following your path.

Yeah.

And your profit is not always clear.

And you may not where it ends.

But, you know, the next step.

Yeah.

And if somebody is listening right now
and maybe they're thinking about it, Um,

as a coach, what would you say to them?

Like as an advice.

Uh, first slow down.

So you can listen to yourself
and to the world around you.

And then the next thing is find
somebody to have a conversation with.

And ask that person to help you.

Answer the questions within you.

A better help asked that person
to ask the questions within you.

So you can find the answers within you.

Um, but the first step is slow down.

Make moments of reflection.

And there are many, many tools to do them.

Yeah.

And for some people it helps
to meditate for some people.

It helps to.

Journal for some people.

It helps to just sit in.

Outside in the forest.

Um, find your own way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh, and just try it
out until you found it.

Nice.

Thank you so much for
today's conversation.

Really a pleasure.

It is it.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, likewise.

I hope you will.

We will see you again in
the future, in the podcast.

I would love that.

And I hope our listeners will
really like a conversation today.

Thank you so much.

whether this discussion
made you inspired or not.

I hope you enjoy this episode.

If you want to be a guest or you want to
suggest a topic to discuss next, send us

an email and a member from our team will
come back to you shortly and arrest you

we also have an Instagram account
where you can see all the latest

updates of the show and spicy
backstage footage if you like this

episode, please give it a good rating.

It would mean the whole world to me.

Thank you so much and see you next time.